The Guide to Overprotective Families: How to Kill
by mollycoddle
Summary: Because overprotective families are the best. Sakura appeared somewhere in the afternoon with a pained smile and an I'm-Okay-Not-In-Pain-At-All expression, Mikoto had the frying pan ready...Part one of the guide!verse


_I do not own Naruto._

_Yeah, it sucked ass, but whatever._

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* * *

  
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**Overprotective**

_Because overprotective families are the best._

Uchiha Mikoto was very protective of her son Itachi. She said she was scared that he might one day kill the clan and leave Sasuke alive only so he can then kill him and be consumed by revenge…Itachi asked why he was the bad guy. And if she needed meds.

Mikoto was protective of Fugaku too—because when your husband is voted number five on "The Hottest Fathers in Konoha" you tend to get irritated…

She was also protective of her younger son Sasuke. He didn't get his father's approval on anything and tried his best anyway—trying, but not meeting the standards. Normally her blood would boil but she told herself all in good time…

And then there was Sasuke-kun's little Genin team. Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura—very, very talented already. Naruto-kun's father was the Hokage and while slightly strange he was sweet and funny—always paying her compliments and asking for seconds/thirds/fourths/fifths/the whole pot when he stayed over for dinner.

Then there was Sakura-chan—the girl with long pink hair and green eyes that slightly cloud over sometimes. She was perfect, really, thought Mikoto. She would make a cute wife and mother for her little Sasu-kun, no matter how he sputtered and refused. Silly boy. Not trusting a mother instincts…

So when fourteen-year-old Sakura appeared somewhere in the afternoon with a pained smile and an I'm-Okay-Not-In-Pain-At-_All_ expression, Mikoto had the frying pan ready. "Who made you cry sweethear?!" she cried, catching Itachi and Fugaku's attention. "Who made you cry?!"

"Mother! Put down the pan!"

"Mikoto!"

They stopped when they saw Sakura breathing hard. "G-gomen…I'm intruding…I was wondering if Sasuke-kun and Naruto were here…"

Itachi nodded and said, "His room."

She bowed once and then ran.

Watching her, Mikoto slammed the pan on the counter. "Who made her cry?!" she hissed, looking at the two males.

"I don't know, mother," said Itachi, his brow furrowing. Ever since that damn incident five years ago he thought Sakura had every right to hate him—after all, a demon possessed her mother and he had killed her for self-defense—but this was a nine-year-old girl who saw blood _from her own mother. _But when he met her down at the market a week later she had smiled at him and _thanked_ him…let's say he got attatched.

And then Fugaku—when he was dying from a jetsu he was practicing she saved his life with a kunai. So of course he was in debt right? But she just smiled and said, "But this is what medics are for, Uchiha-sama." Still, she wasn't on duty and her shishou was giving him The Look.

"Well, what do you want?" he asked.

"Um…" she blinked. "May I call you Fugaku-san?"

He was surprised and nodded—she could call him Weirdo and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

So now their little Cherry Blossom was pretty much crying…—yep. Here were the tears.

* * *

Sasuke and Naruto pulled her on Sasuke's bed and exchanged looks before giving her a tissue and lettering her cry on their shoulders. "Ne, ne," she said. "Do you think that I'm a terrible person? Do you think that I'm ugly?"

Sasuke and Naruto both shook their heads. "Why would you think that Sakura-chan?"

She sniffed. "Aimi broke up with me!" she wailed. "And instead of the whole 'let's be friends' speech he asked for Hinata's phone number!"

Both Sasuke and Naruto fumed. "He asked for Hinata's phone number?" Naruto finally said. "HE ASKED FOR HER PHONE NUMBER WHILE BREAKING UP WITH YOU?!!"

"Dobe," hissed Sasuke, but still watching Sakura cling to his arm. "…Start from the beginning."

* * *

"That's just low," muttered Itachi when he heard Naruto shout.

"Let me at 'im!!" shrieked Mikoto, still clutching the frying pan. "How dare he make Sakura cry?!?"

Fugaku sighed deeply. "Mikoto—"

"Don't you Mikoto me! Itachi! Get off the pan!"

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke were pondering what to do when Sakura stopped crying and smiled a forced grin. "I guess I really am that bad, heh?"

"No. You're not." Sasuke gritted his teeth.

But she smiled the forced grin again and seconds later fell asleep when she saw the Sharingan.

"The List?" asked Naruto.

"The List," confirmed Sasuke, taking out a piece of paper.

* * *

Itachi raised an eyebrow when he saw Naruto and Sasuke trudge down. "So, what's happening?"

"We need your poisoned shuriken."

"Some extra kunais would be nice."

"Can I borrow the katana?"

"Do you have any chakra draining handcuffs?"

"Smoke bombs?"

"ANBU masks?"

Mikoto put down the frying pan and asked why.

"See, we made this list when Sakura-chan began dating."

**The List:**

**You Must Agree to Date/Touch/Think/Look at**

**Haruno Sakura:**

**Medic nin/10 yrs. old – 15 yrs. old **

_1) No major contact_

(Ex: holding hands is forbidden.)

_2) MAY NOT look anywhere below her chin'_

_3) Dates MUST be in public_

_4) MUST be back by four PM_

_5) If cough/sneeze is heard, RETURN HOME OR ELSE_

**Punishments:**

_Brake up/harshly:  
kill/  
murder/  
sell guts to Akatsuki_

_Not back by four:  
kill_

_Date not in public:  
torture_

_Sick/after date:  
throw off cliff with 50-  
pound chains/  
Sent on S-rank mission  
of no return_

_Harassed:  
frame for death/  
kill/  
murder/  
torture_

_Looking under chin:  
DIE  
_

Mikoto raised an eyebrow.

"It's not very good, and the punishments are letting them off easy, but we tried," said Sasuke.

Itachi smirked. Fugaku sighed.

"Do you even know who Aimi is?" Naruto murmured.

"Aimi Su? Ami's brother? Ami as in the president of the Uchiha Sasuke fanclub?" spoke up Itachi.

"Do you know where he lives?"

"Certainly. Twenty-fifth street on the other side of Konoha."

"Isn't Aimi like Ami?"

"Aimi? Why yes."

"Creepy man…"

* * *

"Sakura?" asked Mikoto the next day when she opened the door.

"Ne, ne, Mikoto-san…why did Aimi beg forgiveness at my feet when Pig and I were talking?"

Mikoto sweatdropped. Ignoring the snickers from the inside (cough—Uchihas and Uzumaki—cough) she welcomed her in.

"Sakura-chan, have I ever shown you baby pictures of Itachi and Sasucakes?"

"Mother!"

"…What? No! Kaa-san!"


End file.
